Day 9...That's it. Just Day 9

What a difference a day makes. I'm not completely bitch-less, but definitely much less bitchy than yesterday. I know this because not every thought that goes through my head today is about hurting someone, throwing things, or screaming at anything that moves. My head has also stopped spinning, and the projectile vomit has subsided for the most part.

Didn't put a patch on again today. I made it though yesterday without one, and didn't see the need to put another on today. I'm dealing OK. Still chewing the nicotine gum, but I'm proud to say that I've gone from the 4mg pieces to the 2mg pieces already. I know the box tells you to chew it for weeks and weeks, gradually stepping down. Same thing with the patches. But, I don't have that kind of time.

Actually, I do.

But, I don't want to. I want to be off this stuff and not taking in any nicotine at all as soon as possible. You could say that I'm on a crash course of assistive quitting. Part gradual, part cold-turkey. It's the Up In Smoke Program......HA!

Oooohhhh....I see my sarcasm and strange sense of humor is returning. This is a good sign.

Anyway, I can't honestly tell you where I'm at right now in my quit. Is it getting better? Is it still bad? Where do I go from here? I don't know. The only thing I do know is I don't want to smoke ever again, and I'll do whatever it takes to live that dream.

Oh, in case you're wondering where I get some of my inspiration from, check out www.becomeanex.org. Join. It's a great place to meet others in the same boat, who are struggling just as much, if not more, and some that have been there and have awesome advice for the "newbies".

Join, I say!

No excuses! Just do it!

JOIN!

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8 Days....I'm Being Tested

Oh boy.....

There is only one word to describe me today, and that is BITCH. Ask my husband. He'll tell ya. Ask my kids. They will agree and probably add a few choice words of their own.

It is terrible. I hate everyone and everything. I even took a nap this afternoon because I couldn't even stand myself.

Maybe it's the not smoking. Maybe it's the PMS. It's probably a combination of both, and it's not good. Or, maybe it's the fact that I didn't put a patch on today. Thought I'd try to go without it. Obviously, it was not a good idea.

Whatever it is, I sure hope it's better tomorrow, because if it's not, someone may end up getting hurt. You know, if they'd just leave me alone if they can't be supportive, things would be so much easier.

What is wrong with them? Don't they know that?

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The Nicotine Patch and High Blood Pressure

Last night while at Walmart, I decided to check my blood pressure. I have been dealing with slightly elevated blood pressure for about six months now, and keep a regular check on it as well as taking my meds. It's usually pretty good since starting the medication, so when I read 159/90, I was a little scared.

After walking around the store, trying to figure out what was going on, it hit me. I had just put a piece of the nicotine gum in before coming into the store, and I was wearing the patch. It made sense. Not completely sure that this was the cause, I looked it up when I got home on the Internet. My suspicions were correct.

This is what I found:

Nicotine stimulates the central nervous system. Whether you smoke a cigarette or absorb nicotine from a patch, your body responds by releasing a hormone called epinephrine (adrenaline). Its effects range from increased energy and awareness to high blood pressure, a rise in heart rate, and nervousness. High blood pressure with the use of a nicotine patch (or gum, inhaler, lozenge, or nasal spray) may mean you are taking too much nicotine.

Now, while reading previously about the gum and the patch, I had read that you may use the two together if need be, and this is what I do on occasion. I'm beginning to think that this isn't something that should be practiced on a regular basis. So, today, I've limited my use of the gum, but am still wearing the patch. The patch seems to serve my purposes better, and doing without the gum hasn't been too difficult. My goal is to be off them both before the end of the week.

If you'd like to read the entire article, you can do so here. It's just a short article, but worth the read, especially if you have a heart condition and are using the patch.

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Day 6: The Worst Yet

Today is day 6 of my quit. Everything was smooth-sailing until today. I don't know what it is, but today I am so crabby. I don't want to smoke, per say, but if I had them, I'd definitely smoke today. I'm not really having any major cravings, but the crabbiness is fueling the fire.

I don't want to be around anyone today, so I've holed myself up in my office/bedroom, and am just vegging on the computer. My husband comes in every once in a while to check on me and offer as much support as is possible for him. Bless his heart. He tries, but I really don't want it today.

I'm hoping tomorrow will be better again.

Yesterday, my oldest son had a wrestling tournament. He's a Senior in high school this year, and wrestling has been a big part of our lives for five years now. My In-laws even go. Anyway, I hadn't realized until yesterday at the tournament, just how much my sense of smell has returned.

My In-laws walked into the gym and sat down in front of us. At that very moment, a wall of stench hit me! You see, my In-laws are heavy smokers. Two packs a day each, minimum. The smell that came off of them was enough to make me gag. They smelled like walking ashtray! To tell you the truth, I was embarrassed for them. I KNOW others around us could smell it also. I honestly wanted to get up and move away from them so no one would think it was me.

How terrible is that?

Of course, I didn't get up and move. That would've been too hard to explain, and I surely didn't want to hurt their feelings. So, I sat there all day, smelling that stink, and thanking Heaven that I didn't smell like that anymore. I had no idea before I quit smoking.

I even asked my husband at one point, "Did I smell like that too, when I smoked?"

He nodded in the affirmative, with an "I'm sorry" look on his face.

No need to apologize. I really had no idea it was that bad.

One accomplishment that came out of yesterday was the fact that I did not need to go out to my car after lunch to have a smoke. My In-laws went out multiple times during the day to puff away, but I didn't. I didn't have to freeze on my way out to the car, freeze while sitting in the cold car, or freeze on my way back in, just to do it all over again in an hour or so. That made me proud. I'm not going to lie and say it never occurred to me, but I was able to fight the tiny urge as they put their coats on for the long, cold trek. It felt good.

I know that today's mood will pass and tomorrow will probably be better. I'm not going to give in now. That would be stupid. I'm stronger than that. As long as my family leaves me alone today, no one has to get hurt.

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Funny Story

I posted previously about how I bought the patch to help me along in my quit. I said I didn't know why I bought it, but have since discovered, without a doubt, why I bought it.

Because it freakin' works!

I've had it (step 1) on since 6:30am this morning, and have only had two notable instances where a piece of nicotine gum was required. That was after I had lunch and after supper. Otherwise, I have barely thought about cigarettes at all! It's amazing.

Now, for the funny part. This should be a lesson in following directions for all you other quitters out there thinking about using the patch.

I read the directions before applying the first one this morning, I swear. But, reading and following are two different things, and following, I did not do. It said to clean the area before applying the patch. I thought, "I showered last night before bed. Clean enough!", and applied the patch on the upper part of my arm.

It stuck pretty good......for a while.

At about noon, the edges started to peel slightly. I thought, "That's OK. It'll be fine."

By 3:30pm it had peeled all the way around. The middle was still stuck really well. I began to think, "I wonder if this thing is going to make it till 6:30am tomorrow?"

At this point, it was time to take a shower. We have plans to go out this evening. I had read in the directions (again, I DID read the directions) that you can take a shower with it on. So, up to the shower I went. About halfway through the shower, it started to peel more, and faster. I even took great pains to make sure I wasn't putting my arm directly in the spray, but it wasn't good enough. By the time I was done, it had peeled to the point that just the center was stuck.

I yelled downstairs to my daughter, "Is there any band-aids in the other bathroom?"

She checks. "No!"

"What about medical tape?"

She sighs and looks again. "No!"

"Are you sure?"

"Mom, there's no band-aids and no medical tape. Why? What do you need it for?"

"I just need to stick something back on. Bring me the duct tape!"

"Duct tape?"

"Don't ask questions! Just bring me the duct tape!"

She brings me the duct tape, and I tape the patch in place. I don't know how effective it is anymore, but it's on. Even if not effective anymore, just having it on makes me happy. They are too expensive to just throw the thing away when I've got another 12 hours to go until I can put the new one on.

I suppose if someone turns up injured in the next 12 hours, we'll know that it became ineffective after a trip through the shower........

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Another Tool

I decided last night to give The Patch a try. It can't hurt, and should be a welcome addition to my arsenal of defense against the smoking monster. We shall see.

Woke up this morning with hardly any cravings, though. Thought that was a little odd. Surely, it can't be this easy after only four days, can it? I remember last time I quit. Four years ago. I went to a hypnotist, and managed to quit, on the spot, for ten months. I don't know what happened to make me start smoking again, but when I did, I picked up right where I left off, as if I had never quit. It was the strangest thing.

But, here I am now, four days into my quit, and breezing through. Sure, I have a few moments where I would smoke the entire pack at once if I had it. But, for the most part, the cravings come and go so quickly, it's not really too much of a struggle. At this point, I'm wondering why I even bought the damned patch last night at all!

I suppose the extra insurance is good to have, that's why......

I even made my coffee this morning. I didn't make it yesterday because that is one of my triggers. Always had a smoke with my morning coffee. So, feeling not as confident yesterday, I decided to forgo the coffee. Almost done with my first cup, and not a single craving. Weird......

I should be thankful for the ease thus far. I always have a tendency to expect the worse. I think that's so I'm not disappointed or surprised if it's bad. It's how I approach everything. I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than devastated. Makes life easier on me....

One thing I need to get a handle on is my eating, though. I don't think I'm over-eating a lot, but I could definitely back off a bit. Like yesterday. I ate an entire frozen pizza throughout the day. I know it sounds like a lot, and it probably is, but I didn't have anything else to eat with it, and it wasn't all in one sitting. I know. Excuses, excuses.

Anyway, I suppose the Whopper I had for supper after the entire pizza didn't help matters any, either. Will work on this.

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Day 3

Day three hasn't been too bad. I'm definitely feeling better. Much more energetic and breathing seems to have improved. I actually ran up the stairs this morning, and didn't find myself sucking wind afterward. I know this doesn't sound like much to the average, non-smoking person, but believe me. It's an accomplishment.

There are times(many times) today where I get a little attack of panic when the thought of having a cigarette crosses my mind. For example, I used to smoke any time I was sitting in front of the computer. I sat down just now to write this post and the thought that I'd enjoy a smoke right now crossed my mind. A brief attack of panic seized my chest when I remembered I didn't have any. Then, it passed. Just like that. I popped a piece of nicotine gum in for good measure, and here I am. Sitting at my computer without smoking a cigarette. Great strides have been made.

I don't think my husband believes that I'm going to quit for real this time. I've said it before, but I'm serious this time. It's a matter of life and death now. At least, in my mind it is anyway. I'm going to prove him wrong, even if he doesn't say so much in words. I'll show him....

All in all, day three is proving to be a success. Check the ticker out below. Just the fact that I've saved over $25 already is something to celebrate! Can you believe I used to spend at the very least $180 a month on my habit? I know it was more than that, but that's just an estimate. I never really kept track of how much I smoked. I know it was a lot.

Isn't that something.....$25 already!

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