Day 6: The Worst Yet

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Today is day 6 of my quit. Everything was smooth-sailing until today. I don't know what it is, but today I am so crabby. I don't want to smoke, per say, but if I had them, I'd definitely smoke today. I'm not really having any major cravings, but the crabbiness is fueling the fire.

I don't want to be around anyone today, so I've holed myself up in my office/bedroom, and am just vegging on the computer. My husband comes in every once in a while to check on me and offer as much support as is possible for him. Bless his heart. He tries, but I really don't want it today.

I'm hoping tomorrow will be better again.

Yesterday, my oldest son had a wrestling tournament. He's a Senior in high school this year, and wrestling has been a big part of our lives for five years now. My In-laws even go. Anyway, I hadn't realized until yesterday at the tournament, just how much my sense of smell has returned.

My In-laws walked into the gym and sat down in front of us. At that very moment, a wall of stench hit me! You see, my In-laws are heavy smokers. Two packs a day each, minimum. The smell that came off of them was enough to make me gag. They smelled like walking ashtray! To tell you the truth, I was embarrassed for them. I KNOW others around us could smell it also. I honestly wanted to get up and move away from them so no one would think it was me.

How terrible is that?

Of course, I didn't get up and move. That would've been too hard to explain, and I surely didn't want to hurt their feelings. So, I sat there all day, smelling that stink, and thanking Heaven that I didn't smell like that anymore. I had no idea before I quit smoking.

I even asked my husband at one point, "Did I smell like that too, when I smoked?"

He nodded in the affirmative, with an "I'm sorry" look on his face.

No need to apologize. I really had no idea it was that bad.

One accomplishment that came out of yesterday was the fact that I did not need to go out to my car after lunch to have a smoke. My In-laws went out multiple times during the day to puff away, but I didn't. I didn't have to freeze on my way out to the car, freeze while sitting in the cold car, or freeze on my way back in, just to do it all over again in an hour or so. That made me proud. I'm not going to lie and say it never occurred to me, but I was able to fight the tiny urge as they put their coats on for the long, cold trek. It felt good.

I know that today's mood will pass and tomorrow will probably be better. I'm not going to give in now. That would be stupid. I'm stronger than that. As long as my family leaves me alone today, no one has to get hurt.


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