I Passed The Test

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

It's been 16 days since I had my last cigarette. Up to this point, I have not been around anyone that smokes. I've smelled it in public, but have not been in the same vicinity as anyone smoking. I've been too afraid to.

Today, I had no choice.

It was do or die, and I was up for the challenge. I was nervous, but willing to give it my best shot.

My In-laws smoke. I believe I already told you this in a previous post. Remember? They smoke like chimneys? Both of them? You remember. Anyway, tonight we had to go to their house for a family pow-wow. My hubby's grandfather died yesterday, and we were getting together for moral support.

I was worried about going over there. They smoke in their house, and there would be no escaping it, what with the sub-zero temps outside. I would be thrown into the belly of the beast, to fight the fight alone. I would be tested..........

or so I thought.

When we got there and entered the house, it was like walking into a wall. The smoke greeted us at the door long before the In-laws. To my surprise, I was repulsed, and for a moment, unable to breathe. It was a full ten seconds before I realized I was holding my breath, and had to tell myself to breath. OK. This part of the test was easy. It stunk. My worries about the smell making me want a cigarette uncontrollably were unfounded. But, we had only just walked in the door. I still had to make it through the rest of the visit, and fight the temptation I was sure was going to come to ask to bum a smoke from my mother-in-law. Surely watching them smoke would trigger a craving inside me, and it would be hard to fight. Surely, right?


The longer we were there, the more I despised it. The longer we sat there, the more I wanted to leave; to get out of that smell that threatened to choke the breath from my lungs. The longer we were there, the more I could not believe that I had ever, EVER enjoyed smoking. I couldn't believe that after smoking for over twenty years, I was actually saying that I hated smoking. The moment it hit me had to be one of the proudest moments in my life. For once, I set my mind to do something, and did it. I am 100% sure that I will never smoke again.

With absolute certainty, I AM A NON-SMOKER!

Now, don't get me wrong. I do not look down on anyone that still smokes. I so totally understand where you are and why you do it. To each, his own. I would never say you're not my friend just because you smoke. I'm just saying for me, it is something I choose to live without now.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a shower. The smell is just too much........


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